There are days when I have no idea who I am, where I fit, what to do and when to do it. There are days when I feel lost. There are days that I count each minute, waiting impatiently for it to end. And the only reason I wait is because he told me that better days are coming. And though I’m tired and beat to my limit, a small yet stubborn part of me keeps fighting for those better days. That little part of my heart that dears me to ‘just keep breathing.’
I understand why many persons give up. Sometimes the pain gets too unbearable and your heart gets tired. Tired of having to feel yet not feel. Tired of reaching moments of extreme happiness, only to have it ripped away piece by piece.
The inner man cries “what about me?” “When will you attend to my wounds?”How do I even respond? How do I lie to myself when I know the truth? Do I cover it up again, or do I finally take the time to feel what I feel and allow my heart to heal?
Jury’s out. I’ve made a decision. I’m tired and I’m beat. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. So I might as well fight the right battle this time. And this time, I WIN.
28.11.2020
Desan Watson 